My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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