I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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