she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
