I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
why is half of my head shaved?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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