Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
