After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My vagina just clenched in fear
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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