How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
