my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He did a backflip because drugs
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