u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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