I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
