In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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