If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
