Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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