I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize