I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize