yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
