Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
