Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Two words: blizzard sex
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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