I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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