How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
