How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
