So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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