i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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