He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
