I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize