I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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