Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my sisters under your porch take her home
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Randomize
