meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
