I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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