in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
