I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
