***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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