When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
