Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
