Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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