Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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