I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
