look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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