So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
