i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
