Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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