You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
