He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
