Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
