id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
