someone get that fucking seahorse.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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