you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
