At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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