Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
