Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
