My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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