I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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