If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
