You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
