so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
