just tell him i said nine months
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
