i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
