Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
