i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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