i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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