You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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