i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I know her cup size but not her name....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
