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• (434): View more from Virginia

  So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.

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• (415): View more from California

  some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress

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• (254): View more from Texas

  We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you

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• (536): View more from

  Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing

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