I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I lost the right to judge tonight
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
