I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Your cock deserves a montage
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
