Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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