i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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