Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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