She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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