it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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