i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
