Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
