It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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