btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think i peed on brittanys purse
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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