I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just saw a hot homeless man
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
