you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
