I got chris browned last night
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
